To be or Not to be...

It has been a while since i have last posted anything on my blog, and the few people who have actually gone through it, asked me many a times to start writing again. But somehow i was lacking the motivation for it, or shall i say, i was distracted by other things happening in my life at that point of time. I started blogging when i had no one to really talk to,and hence blogging was my way to vent out my feelings, frustrations, passions(cooking...like u don't know it already!!!) etc. Which gave me a sense of normalcy.So now with the positive words of my dear friends, who made me realize that i should not give up on something that was my only refuge from utter boredom when browsing, i have now decided to start blogging more regularly.
So as my title says "To be or not to be..." may sound Shakespearean..but trust me has got nothing to do with the bard's brilliant classic. It has got more to do with my desire to travel. Sometimes in life i do wonder why it so does happen that you want to do something which means a lot to you, and yet, it appears that all the elements are working against you. I mean, i have been grounded at home for almost close to a year(trust me i am not exaggerating..its been 9 months and 5 days and still counting!!!). But mind you, its not because of something i did, but because of something that had happened, and which justified me being grounded, as well, lets face it, i anyway could not move around even if i had wanted to(being injured and all you see). So anyway for a person like me, who is so much used to being independent and craves freedom; being bound at home without the privilege of going out anywhere on my own, and having all my friends being screened to see if its safe for me to hang out with them, and also having a curfew that starts at a time that would seem unfair to even the kindergartners; could feel worse than being incarcerated at the torturous Kalapani. But i guess i can't complain, as being so overprotective about me is just my parent's way of showing their care and concern for my safety. And all this paranoia around my safety and health just translates to their love for me.

But nonetheless, i cannot resist this overpowering urge to fight against this overprotective paranoia that my parents(especially my mom...which you must have guessed by now) have developed towards me. Because lets face it, it is kinda suffocating being unable to have the freedom to do anything that makes you feel even remotely normal. I cannot keep feeling like a patient for the rest of my life. Hence for some trace of normalcy, i had decided to go to Hyderabad, which is not exactly just for satiating my urge for freedom, but also as i have some unfinished business that i have to see to. So its more like a business come pleasure trip, but which i am sure with the amount of time that i do get to spend there, would end up being, 90% business and 10% pleasure. And believe it or not, i have been trying to convince my family and friends that i am fit enough to travel and that it is so important that i make this trip, but it always reaches a dead end due to many factors. To name a few, firstly the Telangana riots(those dumb numskulls have no idea why they are destroying the city that they are fighting so hard to acquire in the 1st place); second, the fact that fact that i will start work soon, and so if i have only 2 weeks of free time to plan any outing, after which its going to be next to impossible for me to travel; thirdly, i do not have anyone for company to travel with me(read the fine print..that my parent approve of..if not i have many great friends who can take good care of me);fourth, the only person who is kinda allowed to accompany me, can only make the trip on a weekend, giving me less than 2 days of time to wrap up my work at Hyderabad; fifth, the Ugadi festival coming up, making it hard to get the train tickets if i at all get to travel; sixth, my sister coming home for the holidays, hence preventing my sole company for travel to cancel on me..and the list can actually go on and on and on.
So keeping all these factors in mind, i seem to wonder if it is ever gonna be possible for me to travel any day soon, or is it gonna just be a distant dream, which hopefully comes true in my distant future at least.
But that doesn't mean that i will give up..because that is something i never do, until i make sure that i have exhausted every last possible resource that can fuel my plans. So i am having my fingers crossed, and please keep your fingers crossed as well and pray that i do get to travel and have some well deserved fun...i so need it!!! :-(

Definition of a Best freind/person - Stan!!

We have heard many definitions of friendship,all speaking of mushy and lofty stuff, that is just the imagination of some guy who makes a career out of writing greeting card messages. But speaking about what kills a friendship, one answer that is most common, is marriage. people say that friends do not have time for each other once they get into the responsibilities of  a married life.
Well, i cant speak for myself, as i am still single. I mean, i would never become too busy for my friends,even though many kept predicting at many stages in my life that i wouldn't have time for friends once i am done with school, once i am done with college, once i get a job etc etc., but i always proved most of them wrong by trying to stay in touch with my friends, if not by a call , then at least by an sms.
But now that i am faced with the reality that my friend is soon to get married, in fact too soon for my liking, i am gripped with fear and anxiety that i may loose my one true friend that i have ever had. He is the best person in the whole world, and i have known him for around 12years, and the fact that we are still friends is no thanks to me! I have been a Miss.Cruella deVill most of the time and hurt him quite a bit. But each and every time he forgave me and remained my true friend through thick and thin. If there is any guy whom i can say i have complete faith in and trust blindly, that would be him. For example, a very long while back, a guy whom i thought i could trust told me that my friend spoke some nasty stuff about me, and guess what, i didn't even doubt my friend for a second. In fact at that moment the blinds were lifted off my eyes and i started seeing the other guy for who he really was, a huge liar! Because anyone who has anything bad to say about Stan, has to only make thing up. And speaking ill of him is proof enough that they are lying their a$$@S off!
My friend knew the truth about this guy, but even though he saw the guy for who he was, he still preferred to look past his flaws, and instead concentrate on the goodness within. If there is anyone who truly believes in "Forgive and Forget",its my dear friend. In most ways i truly feel bad that we couldn't successfully take our relationship to the next level. Its most definitely my loss! I have done a swell job at burning that bridge down with my very own hands and reached to the point of no return. I cannot honestly say that i do not regret my decision. But as some people say, "Shit happens", and we have to live with our mistakes. If given a chance, i would go to my past self and kick myself so hard, till i knock some sense into myself. Because any girl would be way too lucky to have a guy like him in her life, guess it just proves that i am not one of the lucky types!
I have never known anyone who could see the good in you in spite of all your flaws, and yet work with you towards attaining it and wait patiently for that goodness to surface.

He has instilled in me many great ideals, by just talking about his passion for social work. I have not seen anyone who is more selfless than him, who just knows to give and never ask anything in return, other than we do the same unto some other poor soul. His passion towards his work is addictive.
He was the one who helped me build my confidence, when i didn't have any faith in myself. He was the catalyst in again rekindling a friendship with another friend of mine which i thought i had lost forever, again due to a few silly mistakes of my own. With him egging me on, i felt i could do anything i ever wanted. Any person who instills such an amount of confidence in you, is a rare jewel which you must never let go ever.I know hearing all this, you may think of him as some sort of a dull sage like character, but trust me when i say, that he is one "cool dude".
I am sad to say that i have never treated him with the kind of love and affection that he deserves, and even though he has forgiving me for all that i have put him through, i can never forgive myself, not in this lifetime at least.
Hence, i am truly happy that he has found someone that makes him very happy and treats him the way he deserves to be treated- with "undivided attention and unconditional love". And i truly hope with all my heart that he remains happy forever. And i pray that i never loose him, as that's something i am not ready to accept. His friendship is way to dear to me!
 For me the perfection of friendship can be described in a single word - Stan. For me he is Stan, but for the rest of the world, it is Sushant Stanley.In a way i can say that this is "An ode to friendship".